invisibleair

Senpai was safe. [Because she sent Rider for him immediately after Saber died... But she won't say that. Saber kept Shirou safe for all those days before, and she's grateful for that.] His Servant was Assassin. But for how they caught you unaware...

[She trails off, because this is where it gets harder to explain. It's not like she knew exactly what happened, but there was only one way her grandfather and a Servant like Assassin could've defeated Saber, the strongest Servant there is. There's only one explanation.]

He probably used the Shadow. It was this... thing that excelled at absorbing Servants. I think that was how my grandfather defeated you.

[ There's at least the tiniest bit of her that can be happy that Shirou was not unharmed, even if she had to fall. But there's the issue of Shirou having to kill her that is still to come. ]

Assassin? He was a formidable opponent, but his Master was Caster, she had summoned him to protect the Temple. It should have been impossible for a Servant to summon her own Servant, but she had still managed it.

[ She really hates Caster! But she's not willing to go into that at the moment. ]

Shadow? What sort of magecraft was it?

Caster summoned him?

[She seems confused. There was only one Assassin as far as she knew, and Caster had been defeated before he made his presence known. Although when she thinks about it, there were extraneous souls compared to what was supposed to be the standard seven Servants. Maybe this other Assassin was one of those extra.]

I'm not sure if that's how it was back home for me, but at the very least, I don't think this was the same Assassin as you faced. [How to differentiate...] His true identity was Hassan-i-Sabah.

It wasn't magecraft exactly... The Shadow was the contents of the Grail leaking out. [a beat] Saber, do you know what the Grail was really like?

...Caster was able to hold multiple Servants. She had broken my contract with Shirou, and instead took me as her own Servant.

[ She is REALLY angry about that, as it shows clearly on Saber's face. She is usually so much calmer, but thinking about Caster makes her upset. ]

That is wrong...Assassin was Sasaki Kojiro. I defeated him on the steps of the Temple myself.

[ Then she pauses, and decides to be honest with Sakura. ] Shinji had become the vessel for the Grail. It had become corrupted by some force. I had to destroy it.

[WHOA that's some intense anger Saber!! She feels bad that she's evidently making the Servant recall something she doesn't want to, but she never even saw Caster herself. It's difficult to comprehend.]

I had no idea Caster had that kind of power. But Sasaki Kojiro... I don't know a Servant like that. [Perhaps he'd been defeated before she had the chance to run into him. It's the only thing that makes sense. Regardless, there's at least one thing clear about this.] My grandfather must have decided not to participate in your version of the war.

[She listens closely, but she noticeably tenses up when Shinji is mentioned. How could he even be made into the vessel for the Grail? She doesn't know, but... There's a sick kind of irony to it. Shinji, who so desperately wanted to be the true Matou heir, finally got his wish then. He was made into a vessel for it like her, thus making him like the heir.

She wonders how much he suffered for it.

Which is a horrible thing to think, she knows, and she hates herself for just thinking about it. But the fact remains that he caused so much of her suffering, and she killed him for it. She shouldn't have killed him. She knows that she shouldn't have, and she agrees that she shouldn't have. But at the same time, she didn't regret it either.]

... I see. [It's all she says about it, in a tone so devoid of feeling that Saber probably wouldn't recognize it. It's a familiar one to her though, one she hasn't used in a while. Old habits really do die hard.] You're right though. The Grail has been corrupted for a long, long time. The Shadow was partly a result of that.

This was not the first War I had been summoned in. New timelines must have been created, seeing the differences in what we all experienced.

[ She does not say that happily, far from it. She does not like that there exists a time and a place where she failed, and more important, failed Shirou, letting him become broken. She swore to him that she would be his sword and his shield.

And there's Sakura's strange reaction. She's never once see her like this, and it makes her uneasy. Her eyes dart to the sides, wondering if she might see Rider. She's on her toes, because this is a side she does not know about Sakura. She's got high rank intuition, and it immediately goes of. Still, Saber does not move from her seat, assuming the feeling will pass. ]

...There is still more to your story. I would hear it. What had happened to Shirou, and why we fought.

[ Then she stares hard at Sakura. ] And what role you have in this.

If I had to guess, I would think it's the Second Magic. Just because we experienced the war one way doesn't mean it was the only way it happened. [But that's something Nee-san would know more about.]

Yes, you're right. [She tucks a strand of hair behind her ear, a little more emotion returning to her voice. It's easy to see that she's making Saber even more uncomfortable already by speaking like that.] Which would you like to hear about first then? There's a lot to say for all those things you mentioned, and I don't know where to start.

I believe that could be the truth of the matter. [ She has seen actual magic in person, she was with Merlin after all. But she isn't certain that even he could have had the power to create multiple versions of the same event like this. But she won't speak of such things to Sakura. She doesn't even know if Sakura knows her identity.

Her answer is swift. ] Why Shirou and I fought.

[YEAH OF COURSE IT'S THAT HUH... This has the potential to go really badly depending on how Saber takes it, but she tries to be optimistic. If anything, what she worries most about is how this information will affect Saber's current relationship with Shirou. It's hard seeing him so depressed about her, but that might be an inevitability depending on what happens.]

My grandfather revived you. I don't know how, but he used the Grail to bring you back. When you came back though... You were different. It's like you were dragged through the corruption of the Grail itself, and it changed you. [It hurts to even think these next words, but they're the truth. She can't run away from them, or from her responsibility in this.] You were evil.

[ Of course it is! It's kinda a pretty big deal, knowing how you die! Especially for someone like Saber who has to worry that her fight against Shirou may or may not have been honorable. ]

That should be impossible. Resummoning a Servant in the Grail War should not be possible. [ Saber looks mad, but not at Sakura, at her grandfather. Some time apart from her own problems has started to ease her into the idea that just because two people are family it does not mean they are the same. ]

You do not lie? I had been tainted?

[Too bad Sakura's also partly responsible for Saber's misfortune back home... She has no intention of hiding it, but it just hasn't come up yet. She's sure it will soon enough though.]

I'm really not sure how he did it. It probably had to do with the Shadow. [Even though the Shadow was connected to her, her grandfather resummoned all the Servants he wanted without her knowledge. How he did it really is a mystery to her.

But all Sakura can do in response to those questions is nod. It was the truth. The black Saber who appeared before her, who followed both her and her grandfather's orders without question no matter how despicable, was not the Saber who she met in the Emiya household.]

[ Saber needs a moment to think. Alone would have been preferable, but there is more to hear, she is certain of that. And she will hear it. ]

And so to protect you...Shirou and I fought. [ She nods slowly, repeating the story as she can guess it, from what she heard from Shirou before. ]

Essentially, yes.

[It's far more complicated than that of course. Zouken might've been the one to resummon Saber, but Sakura still used her for her own purposes too. If anything, the two of them fought because Shirou was trying to protect her from herself. She waits though, letting Saber take the information in.]

[ As much as sometimes Saber would wish Shirou would fight for her, she understands that her job is as a Servant, and it's only natural Shirou would choose Taiga, or Rin or Sakura over her... ]

How would he have been able to defeat me? His projection skill is weaker than I have ever seen it.

Rider helped him. [That's not nearly enough to beat SUPER-POWERED EVIL Saber though, so she explains further:] At one point during the war, Senpai lost his left arm. Archer was dying then as well, so he gave Shirou his left arm and saved him. Kirei Kotomine was able to attach Archer's arm to Senpai, and that gave him access to very high level projections. But...

It destroyed him. The more he used Archer's arm, the more it destroyed him. The amount of information that flooded him, the fact that a mere human was projecting things on the level of a Heroic Spirit... And the fact that Senpai, who gave up his ideals, was borrowing power from Archer, who didn't give up those ideals—it completely destroyed him. [Not even "was destroying" or "in the process of destroying". She remembers all too clearly what Shirou looked like in the cavern at the end of the war. If not for Illya's miracle, that would've been the end.] It's why Senpai doesn't remember a lot of what happened during the war. His mind couldn't handle the strain of it. When he used that arm, he lost parts of himself.

Kirei.. [ The name makes her mad, really mad, like she spits out his name in disgust.

But it hurts to hear that about Shirou. And it gives her questions to ask Archer, about his arm, about whether he remembers such a thing. ]

Despite the arm being his own, it destroyed him. [ She repeats what she has learned, thinking more on it. ] Shirou lost his memories, forcing himself to fight against me?

Were you in danger? Did you grandfather turn on you as well?

[She shakes her head.] It wasn't just against you. He had to fight Berserker as well, and then project an incredible Mystic Code through someone else's memory alone. Archer's arm was incredibly painful for him, yet he still used it. [a beat] I don't know how much he lost from using it, but I'm sure it must've been a lot.

[All because of her and her foolish decisions. It's why she remains quiet for a little while. She doesn't want to think about all the stupid things she did, how she almost destroyed her happiness with her own hands. But she told Saber that she could ask her anything, and that she'd answer. She has the answer for these questions. More than that, she can't run away from this.]

It's because I was evil. [She laughs once, short and sharp, but there's no humor, no joy in it. Just the disgust of someone who can't stand themselves.] I was stupid, weak, and cowardly, so I turned my back on the world that I thought had turned its back on me. Grandfather must have been pleased with me, because his tools became my own.

I see. If he could not use a Reality Marble, a Mystic Code would be another powerful weapon for him.

[ Shirou is an amazing man, that much she has already known, but it appears that at least this Shirou is still the same in that aspect.

Saber just watches Sakura though, still uneasy, but more receptive than maybe she had been before. Which was probably a bad idea.

She doesn't move at all when she hears that, not a single muscle. She needs a second here to think, before she speaks. ]

Then it was yourself, who caused Shirou to be this way? Though you had no other choice?

It was a weapon for Tohsaka-senpai. [She says it smoothly and without a hint of hesitation. There's no reason for her to keep it secret still, but it hasn't come up yet. Sakura doesn't feel like explaining that long story just yet.] Senpai could only rely on the arm.

It was a lot of things, but. But I was the biggest part. [She told him, begged him even, so many times to stop being so reckless, that he didn't have to fight. Yet he did, all for the sake of saving her. Even when the situation seemed absolutely hopeless, when he really should have ran away or just killed her after she turned, he still pushed himself to those unthinkable limits. Just to save her. Just to make her happy.

So it's her responsibility. Even if the Shadow's initial appearance, what led to the start of all of this, wasn't something she could've helped, it was still something that happened because of her. She knows what she's done, and she'll accept that. She has to.]

Rin... [ That reminds her of something. ] She said the two of you were like family. Is that the truth?

[ Is the Rin Tohsaka of Fuyuki her sister, she means. It would be a surprising development, but hardly more than anything else here she's learned.

Still, she looks sternly at Sakura. ]And yet he still loves you.

[nodding] Tohsaka-senpai is my older sister by blood.

... And yeah. Somehow, he still does. [If there's anyone amazed by the fact that Shirou still loves her, it's Sakura. How anyone could love someone like her, she's not sure she'll ever understand. But that just makes her all the more grateful for it. She treasures it more than anything else.]

Does she know that information?

[ Because all her time spent with Rin, though short as it was, it was never something Saber had learned about. ]

Then Shinji is her brother as well? [ That would...almost start to explain why she had done what she had saving him.

Saber treasured Shirou's feelings for her at some point too you hussy! Wait. Wrong route. Saber just nods slowly, the truth of things finally becoming more clear to her. ]

He is admirable in that, at least. [ His ability to forgive people that is. ]

She knows, but you're mistaken about her and Nii-san. She was never part of the Matou family; I was born into the Tohsaka family, then adopted by the Matous later. [Even if that seems like a lifetime ago now. She was around five-years-old when she was adopted, but she hardly remembered anything about her life in the Tohsaka family anymore. What she did remember only made her more bitter about her situation.

At some point in a different route and thus alternate universe maybe!! But at that, Sakura simply nods. She knows more than anyone how accepting he can be! HF wouldn't have happened without it!!]

[ That makes Saber's eyes open a little wider. ]

Why did they give you way?

[ It actually makes Saber...not angry, but just uncomfortable. Because the issue of parentage is something that still weighs on her own mind. But then, Sakura's parents are likely not related by blood... ]

[She remains silent for a while, mulling over how to respond, because she doesn't want to spew all her bitter anger over the subject when Saber has no part in it. While she understands why it had to happen, it doesn't change how she felt about it for eleven whole years.

Sakura's forgiven her sister at least, no longer holds a grudge over what she believed was Rin abandoning and ignoring her. Her father and mother though—they were dead. There was no chance to learn to forgive them.]

A magi family can raise only one heir. They already had Nee-san, and the Matous had no heir. The rest was simple.

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